The Four Loves

Much like two lovers in the night sharing a kiss, tonight’s Newman Bible study discussion was to be savored and not rushed. Something that’s been on my mind lately is whether it would be possible to have a happy, fulfilling life without love. Carrie Fisher, the bipolar actress who played Princess Leia in Star Wars once said, “Take that broken heart and turn it into art.” So I wanted to lead an open conversation with other Christians on this question in my thoughts.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

According to the Protestant theologian C.S. Lewis, there are four major types of love. These are philia (friendship), storge (affection), agape (God’s charity, self-giving love) and eros (romantic or sexual love). The question I posed to the group is: are all of these loves necessary for a complete life? Did Jesus have all of these four loves?

Someone said priests have an overflowing abundance of the first three types of love but they put erotic love on pause to join Holy Orders and lead the celibate life. Someone else said the first three types of love are less complicated and distracting than the fourth. Two married couples were present for the discussion, and all four of those individuals felt that they could have found happiness as single people and that they did not need each other for completion or finishing each other’s sentences.

“Love is necessary to satisfy the mind, ethics to satisfy the conscience, and spiritual seeking for peace of soul. Without food and clothes, the body becomes thin and weak. Without criticism, the mind becomes restless and unsatisfied. Without virtue (ethics), the conscience goes astray. Without spirituality, the soul is degraded,” said the Kama Sutra.